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Saturday, 02 January 2010

  • First post for 2010.

    Did I mention my new years resolution? There is one and only one: To be a better person. A more loving person.

    Yup. Yes. That sums it all up.

    And I didn't end up doing my 2009 round-off post. I don't know, maybe I don't have so much to say. These days, all the changes happen in here. And all my thoughts get stuck up here. But in a good way. I guess my self-discovery/reflective area was the eXcess camp during December and yeah, I discovered so many things.

    About my relationship and my best friend, really. It helped me appreciate the love found from both Raphael and Freda. Amanda- "deserves to be loved" may not always be loved by the world, but she sure is loved by her loved ones. Not to mention Iniki, Nicole, Meishi, Stacey, Joanna, Gloria and everyone in between.

    And weight-wise: Losing weight won't make the people who already love me love me more. So there is no point being insecure.

    But yeah. It was then I realised the changes that have subtly made their way into my life- one of them being that I am no longer so into looking back and reminiscing and reflecting about how much things have changed- I'm in the here and now. So maybe thats why I didn't want to go on and on about how 2009 has been blah blah de blah de blah.

    In short, 2009 was quite an epic year for me but it passed me by and 2010 is just a new year- starting new places and right now, its all about how I'm gonna make use of the time usefully. Knitting is one. People is another. And I'm all set.



Wednesday, 30 December 2009

  • Scrumpyness.

    Think, one month later and the test has come: he went clubbing with his colleagues tonight! And you know what? I'm (almost) totally fine with it! Its taken a lot, one month and it even took finding Scrump and it took a huge healing from God (that, I believe, is still happening over a period of time), but you know what? I'm almost there!

     

    Let me explain (what finding Scrump means). I found Scrump in Hong Kong Disneyland. The moment I saw it/him/her, that was it. I remembered how in the movie Lilo and Stitch, Scrump was that sometimes castaway but much loved doll that Lilo made herself. There was one scene where her friends make fun or Scrump and she gets so mad and upset, she throws Scrump in the dust and runs away. Seconds later, she comes running back, apologetic and hugs Scrump tightly in apology. And who can forget Scrump next to "her friends"- decorated spoons in a jar?

    So I really connected emotionally with Scrump and though it was quite symbolic and whenever I was battling that jealousy/self-worth problem inside of me, I'd hug Scrump and imagine him/her/it absorbing all that negative emotion.



    And its quite nice how Scrump has been passed around. It stayed with Joie for a night after the long talk we had and, well, just in general, Scrump has been shared. In Youth Camp and eXcess camp. Its nice to see it being hugged by others.

    So Christmas is over, and I'm really thinking about what Jo told me: did you ever consider that God might not want you to get a job? I'm starting to really think that now, because the idea of really selling my knitwear is becoming more of a reality everyday. Maybe thats why I never heard back from all three places I sent in my resume and testimonials to!

    So tomorrow I'll probably do a post to sum the year up, although funnily enough, it seems like dates are meaning lesser to me and I'm just enjoying my time. For example, for our one year anniversary we didn't do anything special at all. But his hello kiss was extra warm and little things like that made it a very good one. Anyhow, tomorrow I'm spending it with him and his secondary school friends. Keep your fingers crossed that they have a good impression of me tomorrow!

    AND THANK GOD! I asked him to heal my face of the rashes (that resulted in swollen eyes) in 3 days and he did! Hooray for the Big Man up there!

    And even bigger HOORAY. Uncle Pat lent me his keyboard so although I don't have one myself, I've got one thats lent and is quite playable!! I tell you, if the knitting things come to pass, God will have like worked in an even more mysterious way than he has already, and that is really saying something.


  • Sneek Peek: Knit 'n wear!

    Heyho guys. This post is a sneek peek at my newest recreational activity: I'm selling WEARABLES, yes, handmade (knitted) wearables! At the moment though, sadly, they are limited to scarves, wraps, shawls and headbands/ headscarves.

    For a few years I've been knitting on and off and I figured since I'm out of a job and since I have so much free time, I might as well make some money out of it. So I went and got some gorgeous wool, totally gorgeous, and started knitting. I use to knit things and give them away as presents- Andrea, Meishi, Joanna Lee, Joie and Theresa Koh are now among my list of walking advertisments. I have yet to start up shop proper and stuff.



    Above are two pictures of the headband I made for Joanna for Christmas and the two directly below show the one I made for Joie. Really loved the material for Joie's.



    The next three show the scarf I am currently working on now. Its for Theresa Koh. I think I'm gonna name it Mockingbird, because it really reminds me of the scarf Iniki wore for her role as the Mockingbird killer in our O Level Devised Group piece for Drama. But really, the wool is gorgeous and I have it in other shades of colour. The length with definitely be varied.



    ...And more or less I went crazy buying all sorts of yarn. I haven't sold a single scarf yet... but I just fell in love with the colours and the feel of these. I'm aiming for each scarf to have a very unique design and feel. The yarn itself feels lovely. Now I just gotta sort out the pricing, but if any of you have any requests, contact me directly, or comment here.




Tuesday, 01 December 2009

  • And the trip started out great.

    And so it did. He came over last night at my request, bringing me a double cheeseburger because I was so hungry. And then we sat down in the park downstairs and talked. Or rather, I talked and cried and he put his arm around me a squeezed me, cheered me up with our inside jokes and took what I said seriously.

    We sat under a huge blanket of night blue and I spilt everything, my insecurities and how I feel. And lying there with his arm behind me, in his arms, I felt God and his presence there within us too. So comfortable.

    But I know that I've got to face those demons still. Face my issue, and get healed. Calling on a reflective quiet trip with Freda to East Coast, where we sit and face our issues and reflect without the need to discuss or share. Just the two of us, with ourselves in our separate worlds, but doing it together. Don't understand? Thats why we're best friends after our other halves- because we do.

    Hong Kong is lovely, weather is nice and cold, and the Disneyland hotel is amazing. I love being here, and I'm thankful for this holiday. With my family. With my aunt and uncle from New Zealand. The people I grew up with. I have yet to see Disneyland itself, but I'm looking forward to it. God planned this break. And I'm grateful.

Monday, 30 November 2009


  •  
    Sometimes I just don't understand why I can't just let it go. Why I feel the way I do. Maybe its good I haven't gotten to talk it over with many people. Haven't gotten the chance to blow it up, means.

    Except inside of me.

    If you love someone, why is it so hard for me to just let him have fun?

    He asked me the other night "What do you have to lose?"
    ... "You?"... was what I could have said.

    It is this emotion swelling in my chest that makes me want to cry all the time. I don't know where it comes from. Oh well. I know I am just hurt tonight that it is the night before my trip and he wants to spend time with his friends.
    He asked why I sound so formal. He said when he needed his space he didn't mean we had to be like strangers. But I can't help it. Sometimes thats what I feel like I am, a stranger.

mandyman27

  • Visit mandyman27's Xanga Site
    • Name: Amanda Grace Leo
    • Birthday: 7/27/1992
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 1/2/2009

About Me

  • I'm just me here, I suppose. I really try to live for God and for others. I'm inspired, called and empowered. I can rant on, make you laugh or annoy you. So read on to find out more about my mysterious mystery.

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